Well, my experiment has ended. I have a number of different VMs on a number of different providers, and in an effort to consolidate all of them onto a single box (ultimately, to save money) I had to wipe out the Arch VM. Why, you ask? Well, despite liking a lot of stuff in Arch, I don't really like having to hack stuff to get it to work. Call it laziness if you want, but Debian or Ubuntu server stuff just kinda works, since a lot of third party apps come with preconfigured Ubuntu/deb stuff out of the box.
In my case, it was also a matter of moving asterisk/freePBX stuff onto the same VM, and running that on Arch made me a bit nervous, not to mention all the hacking I'd have to do to get it to be functional and stable. Additionally, the disk performance of the multiple linode host boxes I was put on was consistently mediocre or bad. Lots of io latency, extremely low throughput, which caused my gitlab install to chug chug chug. Moved back to Futurehosting and their 15krpm SAS disks, and stuff is 70-120% faster, depending on the operation.
In the end, I didn't break my Arch server install. I still haven't broken my Arch desktop install (in fact, I'm typing this from that right now). I think Arch is pretty mature, and is a much better model of a "rolling release" distro than Gentoo (largely because you don't have to compile stuff). I really look forward to when server distros include systemd instead of old-and-busted init-based stuff.